oh bubulibu, how i miss you so!
i miss talking to you, listen to your nonsense and neverending questions
your shriek of excitement, your laugh, your silly dance, your grin,
you making all the possible noises until everyone told you that 'you're too loud!!!',
circling around the living room with your bicycle,
squabbling with babygirl over a favorite place in front of the tv,
watching certain film over and over and over and over and over and over again,
singing, um.... shouting to be exact, your favorite songs,
pretending to be a ticket booth while you passes by,
hugging you while you wriggle out of my arms,
asking you to kiss me goodnight,
you bursting into my room asking: 'onti lagi apaaaaa....???',
you being aa to babygirl,
you and babygirl bothering each other,
going out with you on weekends,
bathing you and babygirl,
watching those rare moments when you and babygirl play peacefully,
oh bubulibu, hurry, hurry home!!!!
we miss you so so much!!!!!!
Monday, July 30, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
fed up
Am fed up with all this research proposal writing. am fed up of not knowing what to write, of feeling lost, of my incompetence and of my stupidity. Am beginning to doubt my capability.
How can anyone write so effortlessly? Seeing things clearly? Connecting dots and elaborate them like its all there in their mind all along?
Write anything they said, its halfway there.
But anything that comes out is crap. Totally incoherent pretentious meaningless words. If this describes what’s on your mind, then maybe am not up to this. Maybe this is not my way.
But am not ready to give up yet. I don’t want to quit this fight. Am stubbornly cling to the idea of getting out of my comfort zone, to challenge myself and keep evolving to be the better self. Or maybe am in denial. Do I have to go through this development? This is not the only way, right? Right? I can be something else and still growing.
But something else could mean failure. Something else could mean starting all over again from scratch. and the energy of starting over. The uncertainties.
The initial step is always the hardest, remember.
Nothing’s started and am already feeling like giving up.
Argh.
Saya bosan menulis dalam bahasa inggeris. Bosan membaca jurnal. Bosan berpikir yang berat-berat yang saya tidak mengerti nanti ujungnya ke mana. Saya ingin dapat membaca buku cerita dengan tenang, tanpa rasa bersalah yang menghantui saya, yang mengintip di belakang setiap kata-kata cerdas yang saya baca di buku tersebut: ‘seharusnya saya membaca jurnal, seharusnya saya membaca buku teks, seharusnya saya menulis, seharusnya saya belajar’
Saya bosan dengan keadaan saya yang sekarang. Saya sudah siap dengan petualangan yang baru, yang sudah saya idamkan semenjak saya menetapkan hati untuk tinggal di kapal ini. Ingat, jika memang ini jalan yang saya pilih, maka caranya memang tidak mudah. Lagipula, sejak dulu saya tidak pernah mendapatkan sesuatu dengan mudah (regardless of what other people say how easy my life is. IT IS SO NOT!!!), dan saya tidak pernah mengeluh ataupun menyesali nasib saya. Jadi seharusnya saya bisa kuat kan?
How can anyone write so effortlessly? Seeing things clearly? Connecting dots and elaborate them like its all there in their mind all along?
Write anything they said, its halfway there.
But anything that comes out is crap. Totally incoherent pretentious meaningless words. If this describes what’s on your mind, then maybe am not up to this. Maybe this is not my way.
But am not ready to give up yet. I don’t want to quit this fight. Am stubbornly cling to the idea of getting out of my comfort zone, to challenge myself and keep evolving to be the better self. Or maybe am in denial. Do I have to go through this development? This is not the only way, right? Right? I can be something else and still growing.
But something else could mean failure. Something else could mean starting all over again from scratch. and the energy of starting over. The uncertainties.
The initial step is always the hardest, remember.
Nothing’s started and am already feeling like giving up.
Argh.
Saya bosan menulis dalam bahasa inggeris. Bosan membaca jurnal. Bosan berpikir yang berat-berat yang saya tidak mengerti nanti ujungnya ke mana. Saya ingin dapat membaca buku cerita dengan tenang, tanpa rasa bersalah yang menghantui saya, yang mengintip di belakang setiap kata-kata cerdas yang saya baca di buku tersebut: ‘seharusnya saya membaca jurnal, seharusnya saya membaca buku teks, seharusnya saya menulis, seharusnya saya belajar’
Saya bosan dengan keadaan saya yang sekarang. Saya sudah siap dengan petualangan yang baru, yang sudah saya idamkan semenjak saya menetapkan hati untuk tinggal di kapal ini. Ingat, jika memang ini jalan yang saya pilih, maka caranya memang tidak mudah. Lagipula, sejak dulu saya tidak pernah mendapatkan sesuatu dengan mudah (regardless of what other people say how easy my life is. IT IS SO NOT!!!), dan saya tidak pernah mengeluh ataupun menyesali nasib saya. Jadi seharusnya saya bisa kuat kan?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)