October 1,
Am in the zone. The writing zone. The ideas and words are flowing due to deadline is due, I-have-a-meeting-with-my-professor-today-and-I-better-come-with-any-show-of-progress zone. Wish I can be in this zone waaaay before the deadline.
October 11,
Sort of fed up with saint oprah. Well, yeah, she's THE most (known as) generous woman in the world. But being one of THE most powerful women in the world, I think she can't help but act like one. Remember the hermes ruckus that made one of them bosses crawled into her show 'explaining' what happened? I've just read another story which she made an author 'talked' in her show about his lying in his 'autobiography' which she defended and promoted. You don’t mess with saint oprah. NUH-UH!
Which came first: egg or chicken?
Which came first: nosy indonesians or our culture that expect us to carry a conversation?
I figured that those nosy questions (e.g. when you will graduated, get job, get married, have kids/house/cars/diamonds/frogs/penguins, naik haji, have son/daughter in-law, have grandson/daughter, & so on) are usually asked during those dreadful basa basi session with people who's ties is close enough to think that they have the right to asked them but not enough to know that they actually DON’T! why can't they talk about impersonal things like the weather? It surely can lead to heaps of interesting topics. I'd rather be quiet than be bombarded by those personal things, for the sake of not offending them by replying 'that’s none of your bloody business, twerp!'
October 14,
I just have to get this out of my system.
I wonder why it is just human to feel good knowing that you are better than most people in a subject. I read a post, written by a highly sarcastic person (his writings showed that, although I don’t know him in person thus does not necessarily means that's how he really is), about a woman who ignored her kids to concentrate on reading a 'very important book' which turned out to be those guide books on easy peasy subject. He thought the book was by some 'heavy' writers (he named few). I remember my posting about fashionista and philosophers and I shudder.
Money can't buy intelligence. However, what is intelligence for if one uses it to mock other people? If one uses it only to feel smug & better about oneself? However, some people are particularly dense and shallow one can not help but think that those people are there to make others feel superior about certain matters.
How can one find balance between being nice without having to bite one's tongue and bored others?
How can one be edgy & witty without mockery?
Hm.
October 20,
I think I'm destined not to be stylish & fashionable. When I had money to spare for clothes, I was not 'anatomically correct' (according to those retailers sizes that is ;p). Now that I like my body shape better, I have no money to spare!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Cognitivist
The individual is seen as a naïve scientist, attempting to attribute causes to various events he or she witnesses so as to justify their occurrence (Troilo, 2006).
Am I? egghhh….
Am I? egghhh….
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Grief
It’s been awhile, a couple of weeks.
It started with the ym status, then the updates through ym, then the texts.
Then the horrifying phone call.
I knew that in this situation, a long-distance phone call never meant good news. But still I didn’t want to believe, forcing bubumum to say it, the words I didn’t want to hear, words I needed to hear to snap me out of denial. Until she couldn’t take it and somewhat mumbled them between her sobs.
Disbelief. Anger. Questions. Questions. Questions. Questions. Anguish. Sorrow.
But no matter how many questions asked, how many hows and whys, the fact is she’s gone. My mentor, my coach, role model in my career and most of all, my aunt & second mum sudah dipanggil yang maha pengasih.
Sekarang saya mau pakai bahasa indonesia saja, karena saya tidak suka membicarakan beliau dalam bentuk lampau :(
Saya ingat terakhir chatting dengan beliau, beberapa jam sebelum operasinya.
Saya ingat pertemuan terakhir dengan beliau, pergi ke rumahnya, bersama bubu & neng nong neng gung untuk pamit kembali ke sini. Lalu neng nong membuat kekacauan di kebun beliau. Saya ingat ekspresi beliau saat mendengar berita keluarga yang kurang sedap.
Waktu saya kecil, beliau sering membelikan cokelat berbentuk huruf untuk saya & kakak-kakak. Saya ingat dibelikan huruf nama belakang saya karena nama depan saya ‘I’, cokelatnya terlalu kecil.
Saya ingat mobil vw beliau yang dulu rasanya paling keren sedunia hanya karena saya bisa bebas melompat ke sana ke mari di belakang tanpa dimarahi, karena kursi belakang tidak ada pintunya.
Rasanya saya lihat beliau di mana-mana.
Di ruangan beliau, saat saya curhat, kesal dengan kebijakan-kebijakan bodoh.
Di ruang rapat, dibalik laptopnya atau dibalik setumpuk buku untuk mencuri waktu daripada mendengar rapat tak tentu arah. Delikan kesalnya saat tiba-tiba ditembak untuk kemudian balik mengintimidasi penembak bodoh itu.
Di ruang makan kantor, di mobil, saat makan siang di luar bersama rekan-rekan senasib di kantor.
Di toko bule, sendirian, mendorong troli karena anak-anaknya tinggal di luar kota.
Di pintu garasi rumah, saat beliau mampir di pagi hari untuk ngobrol sebentar dengan my mum.
Kadang masih berharap melihat kepala kuning bulat di samping nick beliau di ym bangun, supaya saya bisa menyapa.
Masih berharap bisa mencarikan beliau artikel untuk disertasinya, mencarikan buku.
Masih berharap membawa beliau jalan-jalan keliling kota di sini.
Masih punya keinginan membelikan hadiah untuk kelulusan beliau nanti.
Menyesal saat menemukan toko crochet karena sudah terlambat……..
Saya yakin, Yang Maha Baik sudah memberikan yang terbaik untuk beliau dan untuk kita semua. Tapi, dalam hati kecil kadang masih ada ‘kenapa?’
For me, maybe the answer is so that she can keep inspiring us all to be always dedicated & motivated. And most of all, to be always kind.
I still don’t want to say farewell, because she will always be in my mind, my prayers ………
my heart.
It started with the ym status, then the updates through ym, then the texts.
Then the horrifying phone call.
I knew that in this situation, a long-distance phone call never meant good news. But still I didn’t want to believe, forcing bubumum to say it, the words I didn’t want to hear, words I needed to hear to snap me out of denial. Until she couldn’t take it and somewhat mumbled them between her sobs.
Disbelief. Anger. Questions. Questions. Questions. Questions. Anguish. Sorrow.
But no matter how many questions asked, how many hows and whys, the fact is she’s gone. My mentor, my coach, role model in my career and most of all, my aunt & second mum sudah dipanggil yang maha pengasih.
Sekarang saya mau pakai bahasa indonesia saja, karena saya tidak suka membicarakan beliau dalam bentuk lampau :(
Saya ingat terakhir chatting dengan beliau, beberapa jam sebelum operasinya.
Saya ingat pertemuan terakhir dengan beliau, pergi ke rumahnya, bersama bubu & neng nong neng gung untuk pamit kembali ke sini. Lalu neng nong membuat kekacauan di kebun beliau. Saya ingat ekspresi beliau saat mendengar berita keluarga yang kurang sedap.
Waktu saya kecil, beliau sering membelikan cokelat berbentuk huruf untuk saya & kakak-kakak. Saya ingat dibelikan huruf nama belakang saya karena nama depan saya ‘I’, cokelatnya terlalu kecil.
Saya ingat mobil vw beliau yang dulu rasanya paling keren sedunia hanya karena saya bisa bebas melompat ke sana ke mari di belakang tanpa dimarahi, karena kursi belakang tidak ada pintunya.
Rasanya saya lihat beliau di mana-mana.
Di ruangan beliau, saat saya curhat, kesal dengan kebijakan-kebijakan bodoh.
Di ruang rapat, dibalik laptopnya atau dibalik setumpuk buku untuk mencuri waktu daripada mendengar rapat tak tentu arah. Delikan kesalnya saat tiba-tiba ditembak untuk kemudian balik mengintimidasi penembak bodoh itu.
Di ruang makan kantor, di mobil, saat makan siang di luar bersama rekan-rekan senasib di kantor.
Di toko bule, sendirian, mendorong troli karena anak-anaknya tinggal di luar kota.
Di pintu garasi rumah, saat beliau mampir di pagi hari untuk ngobrol sebentar dengan my mum.
Kadang masih berharap melihat kepala kuning bulat di samping nick beliau di ym bangun, supaya saya bisa menyapa.
Masih berharap bisa mencarikan beliau artikel untuk disertasinya, mencarikan buku.
Masih berharap membawa beliau jalan-jalan keliling kota di sini.
Masih punya keinginan membelikan hadiah untuk kelulusan beliau nanti.
Menyesal saat menemukan toko crochet karena sudah terlambat……..
Saya yakin, Yang Maha Baik sudah memberikan yang terbaik untuk beliau dan untuk kita semua. Tapi, dalam hati kecil kadang masih ada ‘kenapa?’
For me, maybe the answer is so that she can keep inspiring us all to be always dedicated & motivated. And most of all, to be always kind.
I still don’t want to say farewell, because she will always be in my mind, my prayers ………
my heart.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Dreaded question
There is this question I answer anxiously when asked by permanent residents: what I’m doing here. If my answer is followed by just a short ‘oh’ or ‘do you enjoy your study?’, I’m safe. If followed by those chit-chatty praise of it must be wonderful to continue education to this level, or worse: I must be quite smart that I’m qualified, then I have to answer with my sheepish answer that I’m doing this for the sake of my job, that the system required this and other crap.
It’s just that I felt that I have to make excuses for my achievement for the sake of the self-conscious me that afraid of being labeled arrogant. Because deep down, I know that the culture of my beloved country still regard people with a degree regardless of what that degree contributes to the society. look at all the wedding invitations out there that put the bride & groom’s and their parents degree (fyi, mine’s was degree free ;p). so I sort of felt that if I’m not being modest, they will not like me. Well, it’s not that important whether they really like me or not, at least I don’t want to be considered as that snotty phd student bitch ;p. having numerous experiences in which I intimidated people by simply not talkative and doing nothing, I somehow felt that I will do so if I don’t make any excuse about my (others) so-called accomplishments.
I also don’t want people to think that I get this degree just because I want to. Because I think it is selfish to get a degree this high without contributing something back. Studying is not a productive state except for yourself. And by yourself, I really YOU, YOU, YOU, not your family, your loved ones or anybody. In fact, most of the cases, people around you must sacrifice something and support you. Enduring those swinging moods, supporting you financially, adapting to your work schedule. When one get a research degree, it is for the sake of the researcher (except if one’s research is a part of sponsored project to find cure to dire illnesess or the like). My professor once told me that almost noboby will read other’s doctoral dissertation unless one publish it in the journal. And how many of those articles are truly seminal ones that change the society at large? Hmmm……
and why so pissy about it? Because I realized that I’ve become the person I despised, the typical-arrogant-alumni. My parents always taught me to be humble, hence I always replied those comments modestly. However, spent almost all of my adult life in that old-old-often pompous-institution, I cannot help but absorb the culture and behave in the similar way. Yuck!
Yeah, ridiculously annoying.
It’s just that I felt that I have to make excuses for my achievement for the sake of the self-conscious me that afraid of being labeled arrogant. Because deep down, I know that the culture of my beloved country still regard people with a degree regardless of what that degree contributes to the society. look at all the wedding invitations out there that put the bride & groom’s and their parents degree (fyi, mine’s was degree free ;p). so I sort of felt that if I’m not being modest, they will not like me. Well, it’s not that important whether they really like me or not, at least I don’t want to be considered as that snotty phd student bitch ;p. having numerous experiences in which I intimidated people by simply not talkative and doing nothing, I somehow felt that I will do so if I don’t make any excuse about my (others) so-called accomplishments.
I also don’t want people to think that I get this degree just because I want to. Because I think it is selfish to get a degree this high without contributing something back. Studying is not a productive state except for yourself. And by yourself, I really YOU, YOU, YOU, not your family, your loved ones or anybody. In fact, most of the cases, people around you must sacrifice something and support you. Enduring those swinging moods, supporting you financially, adapting to your work schedule. When one get a research degree, it is for the sake of the researcher (except if one’s research is a part of sponsored project to find cure to dire illnesess or the like). My professor once told me that almost noboby will read other’s doctoral dissertation unless one publish it in the journal. And how many of those articles are truly seminal ones that change the society at large? Hmmm……
and why so pissy about it? Because I realized that I’ve become the person I despised, the typical-arrogant-alumni. My parents always taught me to be humble, hence I always replied those comments modestly. However, spent almost all of my adult life in that old-old-often pompous-institution, I cannot help but absorb the culture and behave in the similar way. Yuck!
Yeah, ridiculously annoying.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
irrelevant & random-1
captured wandering thoughts while am supposed to read & write something else.
I much prefer MY toshiba laptop than the lenovo. However, I have to use lenovo because this is the one 'lend' to me to support my study and I would very much hate to return it in mint condition. Hahahaha *evil laugh*
Fashion designers use skinny models because their clothes look better in them. I think those designers are just lazy and selfish because they have to do extra work to make their design look good on anatomically 'imperfect' women. The true genius would create things that look good on almost any form.
Am a bit sleepy and dizzy, yeah? I have kept a new routine of waking up at 3.30ish in the morning for sahur preparation and (play tumblebugs and afterward) do some work after sahur. So, I've maintained more or less 6 hours of sleep daily. Hope I can keep this up after ramadan is over. I've also been exercising regularly. About 10-15 mins of often interrupted exercises. Its better than nothing at all!!!
Once saw a woman reading the holy koran on a park bench on the beach, just like reading any other book. I wonder why indonesians do it so ceremoniously. I know that ngaji itself, even without knowing what the holy verses mean, is a good thing. However, some people seem to get caught up in the 'holiness' of the act that they forget to really grasp the wisdom and give context to what they read. How about getting over those rituals and start to read them for comprehension?
In walking the path of life, stepping on others' toes sometimes can not be avoided. However, some people seem to enjoy doing it even if it is not necessary. Me? I usually avoid it if possible. You'll never know how big others' toe might be in the future. And sometimes when you think that you step on weaker-meeker toes, you indirectly & unknowingly step on bigger-meaner toes who're more than happy to crush yours. craaaaacccckkkkkkkkssppplllaaatttttt!!!!!!
There are soooo many reality shows, turning regular professions into glamour, making a celebrities out of 'common people'. Zoo keeper, chef, hairdresser, cop, animal rescuer, hotel owner …. But no scientist! Yeah, why not making a reality show about geeky scientist? Their life is not as boring as others thought. Lab life is full of its own ups and downs, and scientists get into their own little drama, sometimes without even have to go to bars/clubs/other hip hang out. How about add a little glamour to this profession? I wonder if there's any scientist who regularly cast their diary on youtube. Hm.
I'm officially addicted to caffeine.
A while back, I didn't take my shot on sahur and end up having a severe headache during the day.
When I heard the saddest news about my aunt, I craved more and more caffeine to drown my sorrow. Drank tea just after I finished a mug of kopi tubruk.
Last weekend, I had coke for my fish n chips because I'm afraid that the park won't have a coffee stall (it has. But I limit my caffeine intake :( )
Caffeine, my saviour.
Happiness is warm sunny day when I can work in the back porch watching neng gudut, birds and jemuran.
I much prefer MY toshiba laptop than the lenovo. However, I have to use lenovo because this is the one 'lend' to me to support my study and I would very much hate to return it in mint condition. Hahahaha *evil laugh*
Fashion designers use skinny models because their clothes look better in them. I think those designers are just lazy and selfish because they have to do extra work to make their design look good on anatomically 'imperfect' women. The true genius would create things that look good on almost any form.
Am a bit sleepy and dizzy, yeah? I have kept a new routine of waking up at 3.30ish in the morning for sahur preparation and (play tumblebugs and afterward) do some work after sahur. So, I've maintained more or less 6 hours of sleep daily. Hope I can keep this up after ramadan is over. I've also been exercising regularly. About 10-15 mins of often interrupted exercises. Its better than nothing at all!!!
Once saw a woman reading the holy koran on a park bench on the beach, just like reading any other book. I wonder why indonesians do it so ceremoniously. I know that ngaji itself, even without knowing what the holy verses mean, is a good thing. However, some people seem to get caught up in the 'holiness' of the act that they forget to really grasp the wisdom and give context to what they read. How about getting over those rituals and start to read them for comprehension?
In walking the path of life, stepping on others' toes sometimes can not be avoided. However, some people seem to enjoy doing it even if it is not necessary. Me? I usually avoid it if possible. You'll never know how big others' toe might be in the future. And sometimes when you think that you step on weaker-meeker toes, you indirectly & unknowingly step on bigger-meaner toes who're more than happy to crush yours. craaaaacccckkkkkkkkssppplllaaatttttt!!!!!!
There are soooo many reality shows, turning regular professions into glamour, making a celebrities out of 'common people'. Zoo keeper, chef, hairdresser, cop, animal rescuer, hotel owner …. But no scientist! Yeah, why not making a reality show about geeky scientist? Their life is not as boring as others thought. Lab life is full of its own ups and downs, and scientists get into their own little drama, sometimes without even have to go to bars/clubs/other hip hang out. How about add a little glamour to this profession? I wonder if there's any scientist who regularly cast their diary on youtube. Hm.
I'm officially addicted to caffeine.
A while back, I didn't take my shot on sahur and end up having a severe headache during the day.
When I heard the saddest news about my aunt, I craved more and more caffeine to drown my sorrow. Drank tea just after I finished a mug of kopi tubruk.
Last weekend, I had coke for my fish n chips because I'm afraid that the park won't have a coffee stall (it has. But I limit my caffeine intake :( )
Caffeine, my saviour.
Happiness is warm sunny day when I can work in the back porch watching neng gudut, birds and jemuran.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Geuleuh pisan
Such a coincidence or I don’t know what.
Last week I borrowed this high-end fashion magazine from the public library. I don’t usually even browse this kind of mags in the bookshop (I prefer those juicy tabloids. ;p), I was just curious of what’s in it. And I was confirmed: lots and lots of very nice pictures of very beautiful (and ridiculously expensive) stuff that most of the population could only dream of buying.
A couple of days later, I watched a talkshow hosted by this geourgeous african-american woman who used to model for this famous lingerie line. The topic was how to differentiate fake or real fashion items. One of the guest speaker was, lo and behold, the editor of the very fashion mag I borrowed. She pointed how to identify fake goods then she patronizingly said that it is WRONG to buy fake ones because fake goods are usually made by shady organizations who use underage workers.
GEULEUH PISAN!!!!
Yeah, I was lost for words and these words (which I can not translate to bahasa indonesia or english) captured my feelings perfectly.
Come on, I totally believe it if it came out from UNICEF or ILO or any organization that really support those workers. Heck, I even take it if bono or angelina said it. But from someone who’s bread and butter depending on telling people what to wear and come next month telling that same people that last month’s stuff is so last month? Someone who endorses the high society lifestyle, who tells people to belong to the ‘it’ circle is to have a shoe/bag/clothes/bling that can feed an entire village in africa for a month? Someone who work together with the rightful owner of those brands to sell more and more of those extremely expensive goods? Puhleaze!!!!!
I mean, this comes from the editor of a magazine in which, if I did not see the address of the store, I can not tell which are the ads, the articles or the spread (by the way, you can find what you like on the spread at the back of the mag. Hmmmm…..). the editor (and her entire staff) is basically paid from the brands that paid for the ads in the mag (I read somewhere that magazines get their money from ads, not from subscriptions). So there.
The brands won’t be ‘THE BRAND’ if the mags do not write about them. However, these editors also have to maintain the ‘it’ factor of the brand by making them unique and preventing them to become mass consumption. See the connection now?
So don’t use that morally wrong thing, madam. You sound so pious it makes me want to yell ‘GEULEUH PISAN!!!!’
Last week I borrowed this high-end fashion magazine from the public library. I don’t usually even browse this kind of mags in the bookshop (I prefer those juicy tabloids. ;p), I was just curious of what’s in it. And I was confirmed: lots and lots of very nice pictures of very beautiful (and ridiculously expensive) stuff that most of the population could only dream of buying.
A couple of days later, I watched a talkshow hosted by this geourgeous african-american woman who used to model for this famous lingerie line. The topic was how to differentiate fake or real fashion items. One of the guest speaker was, lo and behold, the editor of the very fashion mag I borrowed. She pointed how to identify fake goods then she patronizingly said that it is WRONG to buy fake ones because fake goods are usually made by shady organizations who use underage workers.
GEULEUH PISAN!!!!
Yeah, I was lost for words and these words (which I can not translate to bahasa indonesia or english) captured my feelings perfectly.
Come on, I totally believe it if it came out from UNICEF or ILO or any organization that really support those workers. Heck, I even take it if bono or angelina said it. But from someone who’s bread and butter depending on telling people what to wear and come next month telling that same people that last month’s stuff is so last month? Someone who endorses the high society lifestyle, who tells people to belong to the ‘it’ circle is to have a shoe/bag/clothes/bling that can feed an entire village in africa for a month? Someone who work together with the rightful owner of those brands to sell more and more of those extremely expensive goods? Puhleaze!!!!!
I mean, this comes from the editor of a magazine in which, if I did not see the address of the store, I can not tell which are the ads, the articles or the spread (by the way, you can find what you like on the spread at the back of the mag. Hmmmm…..). the editor (and her entire staff) is basically paid from the brands that paid for the ads in the mag (I read somewhere that magazines get their money from ads, not from subscriptions). So there.
The brands won’t be ‘THE BRAND’ if the mags do not write about them. However, these editors also have to maintain the ‘it’ factor of the brand by making them unique and preventing them to become mass consumption. See the connection now?
So don’t use that morally wrong thing, madam. You sound so pious it makes me want to yell ‘GEULEUH PISAN!!!!’
Sunday, August 17, 2008
hairyly random
Waktu pentas kemarin sempat nonton tari tradisional jawa. Penarinya pakai kemben, cantik-cantik dan luwes-luwes tapi sempat terpikir juga: kalo jaman dulu pasti gak selangsing ini. Pasti montok-montok macam foto ibu kartini. Dan pastinya juga bulu keteknya gak dicukur. Eegghhhhh……
Animal sound
Last night, neng gudut (n) & I played with her word book. I imitated an animal sound, she pointed & told me what it was.
Me: rrrooarrr
N: lion (pointing lion pic)
Me: miauw miauw
N: caaat
Me: woof woof woof
N: dog
Me: hissss
N: snake
Then there’s no more animal that I can imitate nicely (hehehe…..): zebra, giraffe, monkey etc. so I changed the game and let her do her version of the rest of them.
Me: point to giraffe
N: hsschghhgh
Me: point to horse
N: yeeee (I think my ‘neighing’ sound like that to her. Heheh)
Me: point to penguin
N: KNOCK KNOOOOCCKKKK!!!!! (imitating pingu).
Hahahaha……..
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Confirming stereotypes through blogs
A month have passed. Had a holiday. Now back to tons of work. Have been trying to read them articles again, actually found the right topic that links my supervisor’s and boss’ research interest (whatever happens with mine, eh? Hahaha). HOWEVER….. I try and I try but my brain was sort of freezing. So, as usual, to thaw my brain to thinking and writing mode again, I write something completely irrelevant.
My second paper was about blog because that’s something am familiar about. its anonimity makes people somewhat more honest but also more deceitful. One can only guess how truthful the weblog author writes about his/her life, which part was true and which was fabricated. Whichever it was, they’re all interesting.
I can not help to think that, to some extent, stereotyping is true. I know that it is totally wrong to judge people based on these stereotypes. nonetheless, those were founded on something. I guess those groups are made to make life easier, but then again, all politically-morally-sensibly-self righteous-person is taught to cast this aside and see others in their good side.
there’s this blog that I read regularly. A fashionista who leads a very …. (am going to be very judgemental here) shallow life. All she cares about is clothes, gadgets and make ups. looks (guess that’s why people judge them as superficial things). Not that anything is wrong with that (although I must admit that she is sometimes ridiculous and I know that I would not stand her if I know her in person, but I like it that she’s never pretentious. If she happens to read: it is a compliment, dear). Reading her blog, I can not help but wonder that human have a limited capability to use the brain. The interesting part is that one can group people based on what people load their brain with. For example: people who use their brain to think about their look usually have no ‘space’ left in their brain to load them with say…. Science and politics and environment and other issues (‘common’ people regard as heavy stuff). Hence the stereotype: beautiful/handsome but stupid (I think that the word ‘stupid’ here refers to the ‘common’ meaning the populatin agreed with. hey, most of that population would be pretty stupid if the standard measure of cleverness is knowing which colour to use to their face, right?) Then there’s people who’s loaded with teensy tiny things of science but have no clue about who jimmy choo is. Hence: the geeks. There are tons other groups that would make academics and marketers keep their jobs. Anyway, back to this fashionista. Of course one can’t make a generalization that all fashionistas are stupid. But lets check 20 indonesian fashionista and count how many know plato as they do prada. Heck, let’s be super cynical and prejudiced and showy: check whether they know who he is. Hmmm……
(to be honest: plato is the most I read from sophie’s world before I skipped the introduction to philosophy part and just read the adventure part. I think I should reread them again because I’m sure it’ll help my research. Aaargghhh….. Second thought: how many readers who claimed they read that book truly comprehend the concepts? when it came out, everybody’s carrying the copy of the book but the only discussion I’ve heard about what’s in the book was between bubumum and big bro. it’s like when the lord of the rings movie was out and suddenly everybody’s a tolkien fan. Must also admit that I have not read that book either. Hohoho….. come on, the movie’s is long enough and I believe it has captured the essential things that make the book a classic)
There’s this other blog, a man so proud of being gay that he is heterophobic. Well, it is not easy living a gay life in the homophobic world but why becomes the people he hated most? It’s like its okay to be prejudiced if you are treated unfairly. It’s okay to be a racist if you are african american in the us. It’s okay to kill all those israelis if you’re a palestinian. No end to that. Anyway, although he detested those gay stereotypes, his blogs is soooo confirming them. Well, I have them on my mind and reading his postings: confirmed, confirmed, confirmed and affirmed. Well, to be fair, my source is of course ‘straight’ media: movies, mags but I guess, being a skeptic, I have selected a good sources who gave a fair reporting about gay life (western, not indonesian, mind you. Haven’t read any fair report on gay life in straight indonesian media). But darling, don’t be so bitchy if anyone, gay or especially straight, criticizes you of giving a wrong picture about gay life. How about reading your posts and find the subtext themes, whatever what you claimed the topic were?
what am I doing here? I should be writing other stuff. Ggccckkk…….
My second paper was about blog because that’s something am familiar about. its anonimity makes people somewhat more honest but also more deceitful. One can only guess how truthful the weblog author writes about his/her life, which part was true and which was fabricated. Whichever it was, they’re all interesting.
I can not help to think that, to some extent, stereotyping is true. I know that it is totally wrong to judge people based on these stereotypes. nonetheless, those were founded on something. I guess those groups are made to make life easier, but then again, all politically-morally-sensibly-self righteous-person is taught to cast this aside and see others in their good side.
there’s this blog that I read regularly. A fashionista who leads a very …. (am going to be very judgemental here) shallow life. All she cares about is clothes, gadgets and make ups. looks (guess that’s why people judge them as superficial things). Not that anything is wrong with that (although I must admit that she is sometimes ridiculous and I know that I would not stand her if I know her in person, but I like it that she’s never pretentious. If she happens to read: it is a compliment, dear). Reading her blog, I can not help but wonder that human have a limited capability to use the brain. The interesting part is that one can group people based on what people load their brain with. For example: people who use their brain to think about their look usually have no ‘space’ left in their brain to load them with say…. Science and politics and environment and other issues (‘common’ people regard as heavy stuff). Hence the stereotype: beautiful/handsome but stupid (I think that the word ‘stupid’ here refers to the ‘common’ meaning the populatin agreed with. hey, most of that population would be pretty stupid if the standard measure of cleverness is knowing which colour to use to their face, right?) Then there’s people who’s loaded with teensy tiny things of science but have no clue about who jimmy choo is. Hence: the geeks. There are tons other groups that would make academics and marketers keep their jobs. Anyway, back to this fashionista. Of course one can’t make a generalization that all fashionistas are stupid. But lets check 20 indonesian fashionista and count how many know plato as they do prada. Heck, let’s be super cynical and prejudiced and showy: check whether they know who he is. Hmmm……
(to be honest: plato is the most I read from sophie’s world before I skipped the introduction to philosophy part and just read the adventure part. I think I should reread them again because I’m sure it’ll help my research. Aaargghhh….. Second thought: how many readers who claimed they read that book truly comprehend the concepts? when it came out, everybody’s carrying the copy of the book but the only discussion I’ve heard about what’s in the book was between bubumum and big bro. it’s like when the lord of the rings movie was out and suddenly everybody’s a tolkien fan. Must also admit that I have not read that book either. Hohoho….. come on, the movie’s is long enough and I believe it has captured the essential things that make the book a classic)
There’s this other blog, a man so proud of being gay that he is heterophobic. Well, it is not easy living a gay life in the homophobic world but why becomes the people he hated most? It’s like its okay to be prejudiced if you are treated unfairly. It’s okay to be a racist if you are african american in the us. It’s okay to kill all those israelis if you’re a palestinian. No end to that. Anyway, although he detested those gay stereotypes, his blogs is soooo confirming them. Well, I have them on my mind and reading his postings: confirmed, confirmed, confirmed and affirmed. Well, to be fair, my source is of course ‘straight’ media: movies, mags but I guess, being a skeptic, I have selected a good sources who gave a fair reporting about gay life (western, not indonesian, mind you. Haven’t read any fair report on gay life in straight indonesian media). But darling, don’t be so bitchy if anyone, gay or especially straight, criticizes you of giving a wrong picture about gay life. How about reading your posts and find the subtext themes, whatever what you claimed the topic were?
what am I doing here? I should be writing other stuff. Ggccckkk…….
Sunday, June 29, 2008
zones
last month was depressing. I kept wondering whether I passed the prerequisite course. I got the highest grade for my first paper (the prof downgrade it because I didn’t use a proofreader. Humph!), but I got ambitious and tried a new, unfamiliar, method for my second paper and I didn’t know if I delivered. Then came the exam. Arrgghh…. It was easy really but I got panicked (as usual) and although I was sure that I nailed the second question, I think I could do better for the first. So I spent last month preparing for the worst news possible.
That lead to questions that kept popping on my head: am I cut out for this? Is this really MY path? Am I doing it for the right reason? Not out of spite, out of the need to prove something, to kick someone on his arse? I prayed and prayed and prayed. not passing would be devastating because I started to feel at home, figured out my schedule, juggling home chores and study. I started to get the hang of reading so many articles and quick to point out what I need and put pieces together.
Last week, I met my supervisor and thank god he said that I passed. Well, it was not official but anyway….. PHEW!!!! (although some said that it is so risky to have a head of department as your supervisor, on this subject, glad that I do).
So now, I can go home and told that chauvinistic dinosaur: look at this ME surviving! HA!
Another thing.
I know that I’ve waaaay out of my comfort zone and bursting all safety bubbles imaginable. Doing my second paper, I realized that I was also trying new waters in the academic department. Being taught science and engineering, it is quite something to look at things from totally different point of view. To look into details (I just love details!!!) and not to justify everything with numbers. It feels great (hence, more worry if didn’t pass because am starting to enjoy it).
I also realized how all these years, I always stayed in the same circle of people. Well, not literally the same people, but those with the same certain of educational level. I know all kinds of people through work, but I still work in my old campus, so not really different, eh? But here…… totally different settings. When I told them what I’m doing here, I got a certain ‘that’s heavy stuff’ look and I think I’m the only one doing that in this circle. Not being chatty and outgoing with new people, being misunderstood as snobby and pretentious is not new for me (although I might be those at heart. Hohoho….). so, I’ve been here for more than 4 months but I haven’t got any new friends.
Oh well, guess am prepared for that because everybody who’ve gone through this journey warn me that this is going to be long and lonely.
Anyway, I can’t wait till next week to see my family and friends back home.
Bubulibu, onti’ll be back soon!!!!!
That lead to questions that kept popping on my head: am I cut out for this? Is this really MY path? Am I doing it for the right reason? Not out of spite, out of the need to prove something, to kick someone on his arse? I prayed and prayed and prayed. not passing would be devastating because I started to feel at home, figured out my schedule, juggling home chores and study. I started to get the hang of reading so many articles and quick to point out what I need and put pieces together.
Last week, I met my supervisor and thank god he said that I passed. Well, it was not official but anyway….. PHEW!!!! (although some said that it is so risky to have a head of department as your supervisor, on this subject, glad that I do).
So now, I can go home and told that chauvinistic dinosaur: look at this ME surviving! HA!
Another thing.
I know that I’ve waaaay out of my comfort zone and bursting all safety bubbles imaginable. Doing my second paper, I realized that I was also trying new waters in the academic department. Being taught science and engineering, it is quite something to look at things from totally different point of view. To look into details (I just love details!!!) and not to justify everything with numbers. It feels great (hence, more worry if didn’t pass because am starting to enjoy it).
I also realized how all these years, I always stayed in the same circle of people. Well, not literally the same people, but those with the same certain of educational level. I know all kinds of people through work, but I still work in my old campus, so not really different, eh? But here…… totally different settings. When I told them what I’m doing here, I got a certain ‘that’s heavy stuff’ look and I think I’m the only one doing that in this circle. Not being chatty and outgoing with new people, being misunderstood as snobby and pretentious is not new for me (although I might be those at heart. Hohoho….). so, I’ve been here for more than 4 months but I haven’t got any new friends.
Oh well, guess am prepared for that because everybody who’ve gone through this journey warn me that this is going to be long and lonely.
Anyway, I can’t wait till next week to see my family and friends back home.
Bubulibu, onti’ll be back soon!!!!!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
the sweetest thing
At night, in the dark, when I put nengnong to bed, I whisper: ‘I love you, dede’.
Then she will whisper back: ‘I wof you, mama’.
that is just the sweetest thing.
Then she will whisper back: ‘I wof you, mama’.
that is just the sweetest thing.
egalitarian
Regarding the last post, I do not want it to be served on the silver platter either. I don’t think it’s hard just to ask my opinion, to consider what I think is the best for ME because it is ME and MY FAMILY that will have to go through all the brouhaha.
It is soooo digusting to see someone who claim himself egalitarian, so proud that he can maintain a close and equal relationship to his ‘subordinate’ (come to think of it, a true egalitarian will not even think that it is such an achievement to do so, right?) while at the same time acting like a true blue blooded royalty. i don’t think a true egalitarian will apologize to his subordinate with his nose up, and not even have the guts to look the subordinate in his eyes.
Egalitarian, you are SO NOT!!!!
It is soooo digusting to see someone who claim himself egalitarian, so proud that he can maintain a close and equal relationship to his ‘subordinate’ (come to think of it, a true egalitarian will not even think that it is such an achievement to do so, right?) while at the same time acting like a true blue blooded royalty. i don’t think a true egalitarian will apologize to his subordinate with his nose up, and not even have the guts to look the subordinate in his eyes.
Egalitarian, you are SO NOT!!!!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
what keep me going
There were two occasions both asking why I chose to come here. Both quick answers inside my head were: ‘they made me!!!’, which of course totally different from what actually came out (better education system, wanting to taste living here and other diplomatic, lame excuses).
Its not that am ungrateful. I like it here, but somewhere along the way, misundertandings took place where I felt like this golden opportunity (as some people always reminding me of again and again and again and again in the unmotivatingly irritating manner) were not landed but instead slapped upon my face and shoved down my neck.
Felt really depressed about two weeks ago. I started to miss my family and friends, longing for the old-easy peasy-comforts of home. one day I was frying (yes, I cook!!!) and burned my hand. I was upset, pissed and frustrated about coping with my new life. Then I remembered someone back home that made me feel better, in not so good way.
The first thought was: well, at least I don’t have to face that old-feudalistic-has-been here.
Which followed with: gee, didn’t know I hated him that much.
Hm.
Anyways, watched a beautiful rainbow with neng nong neng gung. Called home and talked with bubulibu. Walked to the park and found public library with children program. Got id card (means am officially acknowledged as a legal person in campus).
the tough has get going and tinsiest things can put a big smile on my face again.
Its not that am ungrateful. I like it here, but somewhere along the way, misundertandings took place where I felt like this golden opportunity (as some people always reminding me of again and again and again and again in the unmotivatingly irritating manner) were not landed but instead slapped upon my face and shoved down my neck.
Felt really depressed about two weeks ago. I started to miss my family and friends, longing for the old-easy peasy-comforts of home. one day I was frying (yes, I cook!!!) and burned my hand. I was upset, pissed and frustrated about coping with my new life. Then I remembered someone back home that made me feel better, in not so good way.
The first thought was: well, at least I don’t have to face that old-feudalistic-has-been here.
Which followed with: gee, didn’t know I hated him that much.
Hm.
Anyways, watched a beautiful rainbow with neng nong neng gung. Called home and talked with bubulibu. Walked to the park and found public library with children program. Got id card (means am officially acknowledged as a legal person in campus).
the tough has get going and tinsiest things can put a big smile on my face again.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
petualangan baru
Sudah lama sekali tidak menulis di sini. Bulan-bulan terakhir rasanya seperti naik arung jeram saja. Kadang naik, seringnya turun dan kelelep masuk air. Tapi semua memang ada akhirnya. Pinangan akhirnya diterima dan sekarang sudah sebulanan merantau di negeri si burung dan si buah yang namanya sama (beberapa teman baru tahu bahwa si buah ini ada versi burungnya juga. Hehehe….) kangen berat dengan si bubulibu yang bandel-tapi-cengli, bubumum, emak, bapanda dan si bibi. Kangen dengan semua kenyamanan di rumah lama, kangen bergosip atau ngomel-ngomel tak tentu dengan teman senasib, bercanda dengan my silly roomates, atau cuma ngobrol ke sana kemari dengan teman selantai.
Then again, its time to move on. Sudah saatnya merambah dunia yang baru sebelum terlalu enak di kolam lama yang rasanya makin sesak saja.
It all became a big blur since the news arrived in december. How I told them bosses, how I decided to go, how we applied for visa, how chaotic the administration process was, how we shop shop shop (that was the most fun part of it all. Hahaha….), how worried I was that I could not find accommodation until about a week prior to departure, how frustrated I was that we have not finished packing the night before. It was a good distraction to the fact that we are going to leave all the comforts of home and our beloved big family & friends.
The first weeks were also blurred memory of finding apartment, improving the mini proposal, searching and buying (cheap) furniture and finally settling down on our own place. It’s a bit ironic that I always want to live near the beach, and then here we are, on the north shore city, surrounded by beaches, but I only got one chance to get a glimpse of it from the moving car. Hm.
And now reality has started to sink in, the excitement has gone followed by all kinds of worries of whether or not we are going to survive this adventure with smallest scars.
So here we are, riding new boat to the unknown again. No doubt there will be storms ahead but hey, whats an adventure without tasting the fierce sea?
Then again, its time to move on. Sudah saatnya merambah dunia yang baru sebelum terlalu enak di kolam lama yang rasanya makin sesak saja.
It all became a big blur since the news arrived in december. How I told them bosses, how I decided to go, how we applied for visa, how chaotic the administration process was, how we shop shop shop (that was the most fun part of it all. Hahaha….), how worried I was that I could not find accommodation until about a week prior to departure, how frustrated I was that we have not finished packing the night before. It was a good distraction to the fact that we are going to leave all the comforts of home and our beloved big family & friends.
The first weeks were also blurred memory of finding apartment, improving the mini proposal, searching and buying (cheap) furniture and finally settling down on our own place. It’s a bit ironic that I always want to live near the beach, and then here we are, on the north shore city, surrounded by beaches, but I only got one chance to get a glimpse of it from the moving car. Hm.
And now reality has started to sink in, the excitement has gone followed by all kinds of worries of whether or not we are going to survive this adventure with smallest scars.
So here we are, riding new boat to the unknown again. No doubt there will be storms ahead but hey, whats an adventure without tasting the fierce sea?
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