Welcome, you

Tuesday
Went to the obgyn. He suggest a way to naturally induce labor.

Saturday
Followed doctor’s order.

Sunday
3 am : water broke
3.30 am : went to the hospital
3.30 am – 3.00 pm : no contraction whatsoever. No sign of the obgyn. By the phone, he ordered the nurse to perform induced labor.
3.00 – 19.50 pm : realizing that it’s not the pushing, but the contraction that is so very painful. Think I crushed chubb’s hands every time it came. Totally excited when the nurse prepared the labor’s tools and the obgyn finally arrived. It will be over soon!!!! Hah hah hah!
19.50 pm : saw you for the first time. unforgettable. Covered with white mucusy thing with black hair just like mine, crying forcefully as the pediatrics and the nurse do the examination.

Hey you, welcome to this world.

Being pregnant

Approximately 7 weeks to go and am getting more anxious every day.
Every mum assured me that the delivery is gonna hurt but they also say that seeing the baby will make you forget all you’ve been through. Every body’s asking me when the due date, when will I start my maternity leave. Discovery channel & national geographic channel both aired different documentaries about what’s going on in the womb (which is truly amazing!!!!) and they both ended it with actual deliveries (which send shivers down my spine. Hearing mothers telling their battle stories have successfully make me flinch. Watching and knowing that it’ll happen to me soon is quite horrifying. Aaaarrrrggghhhhhh……..). I so envy those who got epidurals covered in their insurance. Knowing how doctors in my country do their job, I suspect they rather do c-section than giving mothers epidural or some sorts of pain relieve.
All I want is to get this over with.

Anyways, just like everything else in life, pregnancy has its ups and downs.
These are mine.

Finishing nutrition requirement. Sometimes it’s just tiresome to remember to drink your milk twice a day (I like milk but I think my tolerance is a big glass a day, not more), to take my vitamins (the doctor gave me 4 kinds!!!!! How bothersome), to feel guilty and sometimes angry if da company cannot provide such nutritious food for lunch (the caterer sucks!!! But am too lazy to be out to get better food. Guess I’ll ask mum to arrange delivering my lunch? Hm. Tempting)

Extra nice people. This is the perfect example of pregnancy ups and downs. Sure, it's good that most people are nicer than usual, more attentive etc. but along with their attention, come the advices, the dos and don’t’s. Sometimes I find them totally ridiculous and illogical. Being sceptical, I don’t fully believe them. being a mum to be and a woman (hence the guilt), I felt obligated to check just in case. Oh, I also hate it when strangers/not so close relatives/not so close friends touching my belly. make me feel like a freakshow.

Changing hormones. The result is that am easily irritated and cried more often (cried 2 days when aa & neng left, choked when I watched sappy movies). The most annoying thing is being absentminded. Am so forgetful sometimes I don’t remember little things I just did (finding empty glass of milk with no recollection of drinking it, have to check the schedule more often, constantly asked this to chubbs: have I done …..? and chubbs looking at me like ‘duh! You just did’).

Bigger size. Which means I often lose my sense of space: trying to squeeze my self into thin space (lil sista will look at me with ‘are you mad’ look on her face) and bumping things (happens a lot with my bum which often caused things to drop. Heh heh.). not just belly & bum, but also fingers and toes which has its ups (new shoes!!! Yaay!!) and downs (fatter finger does not mean I can buy new ring, but sure does make me lose my coordination. Felt like I have 10 thumbs)

Sex. miss my libido. miss feeling horny. miss having and enjoying sex.

On the other hand, I felt so sexy with this huuuuge belly and breast. Finally have cleavage. Haha.

The wriggly tummy. I like to touch my belly and feel the baby squirming here and there. i like the way my tummy feel when she moves about, how the movement is more defined when she gets bigger and my uterus is getting cramped. Definitely going to miss that.

Baby, if you happen to read this much much later on, please don’t think that I don’t like having you. On the contrary, I enjoy every minute of it.
It is uncomfortable, sometimes even annoying, but I am sure it was all worth it because in the end am gonna meet you.

bloody budget!

i was supposed to do this budgetting and have done it halfway. i don't like to be disturbed when i do this because i have to be very careful, thinking and predicting what to do next year. i planned to do it thursday and friday, since da boss is going to go on a survey. so, yesterday i said yes to do something, which also takes a lot of time but more fun and can be done in one night.
lo and behold, an hour before 5, da boss asked for the budget because da big honcho asked for them.
f***********************************************k!!!!!!!!!!!
ended up sleeping at four doing both.
am grumpy & drowsy today!!!!!

and am just out of the next torture: talking every itsy bitsy tiny detail of it with da boss.
right after lunch when am the sleepiest.
*&blgttblaiujym;*^%$*&^^#$@!!!!!!!!!!!

gadgetry

yesh please.......

steve jobs is absobloominlutely cool!!!

feeling blah

is this all my achievements?
didn't i work hard enough?
have i made enough contribution?
aren't i part of the team?
do i deserve what i think i deserve?

why am i wasting my precious time?
why do i have to do all this, when clearly that's not what you guys consider to be worthy of?

not appreciated
unmotivated

blah

I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name

I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear
Without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name

-u2-

still missing you

we (me, chubbs & bubulibu mum) really like to play this with neng.
us: neng, where's ....... (your mum, your jepit, dora or anything in sight)
neng: thew (there)
us: whew?? (where)
neng: thew
us: whew???
neng: theeeewwwww.......

we can reverse the version.
neng: where's mama?
us: thew (asal, emaknya gak keliatan di mana-mana)
neng: whew?
us: thew
neng: wheeeewww????

it's just so cute hearing her saying that with her little voice and then gradually become little annoyed voice. hehehe....

whenever i, chubbs or his other onti went out, aa always said 'but nanti i miss you....'
so when he left me, i told him:
me: but nanti i miss you
aa: sigh..... but i will be back
me: but i miss you (pretend to sulk)
aa: sigh.... you can call me, and i will be back soon
me: but i miss you
aa: sigh..... (hug me) when the clock is six (he show me all his fingers) then i will be back
hohoho.....

neng always asked 'but why?' whenever we explain something to her. we will answer her in unison: 'BECOOOZZZZ!!!!!' because she will never satisfied with just one answer.

missing you

went to the bathroom and saw the bath tub where you guys mandi, i cried
found neng's fish jepit (hey that's my jaaapit!!!!, she used to say), i cried
watched bubulibu playing alone, i cried and cried and cried and cried
went to your room, just to see if there's anything else you left behind
the house is just not the same without all the brouhaha, the shouting, the crying, the laughing......

hey you guys, you've left not more than 10 hours and i already miss you like crazy!!!!

chubbs comforting me and blame it all on my hormones. thanks for the big bear hug dear.....

Suppressed anger

calvin and hobbes

copyrights belong to Bill Watterson

I’ve been holding up my anger lately. there are 2 projects that caused this, one professional and one personal. I am not the person in charge in both, but both make me want to release my inner bitch.
The work problem is easier though, I don’t have to deal with them once the project is over. Well, at least I could beg my boss not to assign them for the next project or such. As for the personal problem…. maaaann….. I just hope I can stand this person and be able to hold my tounge and hide my smirk and not snickering etc.

So, I was assigned to this work projects about 2 years ago. It was something totally not my thing, but I understand that my job on this is to provide a detailed information about this process that is my day to day job anyway and their job is to transform it into some system that could help everybody work easier.
The problem is, our team and theirs have totally different perspective on the quality of the end product. And the more I work with them, I realized that they think it is good enough and couldn’t understand why we refuse to accept it as it is. While our team think that their work is just sucked, and they just could not listen to what the customer want.
To make thing worse, the head of the other team is some kind of aristorcratic-feudalistic type who could not take criticism, be open about the problems, whether internal or problems that was caused by our not understanding how they work.
Growing up in mia famiglia means speak up or hold your grudge forever. So I tell the head of the other team what I think as politely as possible. Well, I basically said that your end product is not up to our standard, what can we do about it, could we help, etc etc. But this person is just impossible, telling us how this person has to suffer the internal dispute over us, how busy this person is to handle several projects alongside ours, that this is a mercy project etc etc.
I think my eyes are ready to pop out of their sockets.
It’s not our bloody problem!!!! You are not the only who get the pressure from the big honchos. You are not the only one who tiredof this soddy project. Why the heck must we accept second rate product? We pay you to make us the product we want, not what you think we want.
AAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!

Moving to my personal project.
Whew, what can I say. Hm.
It’s just hard to be involved in something when you think it is an entirely stupid GRAND project which cost a lot of time, energy and other resources for something so trivial, something that meant nothing but just showing off. I know that the occasion is worth celebrating, a major change in one’s life but if one’s must ask someone else to be as passionate as certain one is, if one is constantly nagging others to do what other one think the other supposed to do without considering that others are entitled to have a break, if one think that the celebration is the most important thing in the whole wide universe and forgetting what’s the celebration for, then I guess that one is completely deluded of what this major thing is all about.

Just in case you read this (which I doubt):
Hey you, beloved geeky&eccentric one, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I MISS YOU SO MUCH. Not that groomed-but-stressed-out you. Not you with that racoon eyes, with the pleading voice to calm your significant other. I miss the old you, but I guess I have to say goodbye to that. Sorry, but I’m not the kind of girl who let go easily. But I love you anyway. Don’t worry, I’ll learn to love whatever comes along with you. It’ll take time though. But I’ll do the best I can. Promise.
And you, significant other, YOU BETTER BE WORTH ALL THE SACRIFICES THE GEEKY ONE HAVE GIVEN YOU!!!!!
So there.

blocked

aaarrgghhh……. My brain cannot function!!!!
Am supposed to write this article for this journal. easy considering I have all the data I need. But I just can’t do it. it doesn’t interest me. buh. It’s almost three hours and all I do is blogphopping, checking out photos of my friends in friendster, playing spider solitaire, getting a glass of water, checking emails and anything but that. Totally frustrated.
Now am trying to fish my inner writer out by writing something else.

Anyways, Our Don passed away two days ago after the long and painful fight against liver cancer. Yesterday I saw this ‘condolences ad’ (am sure there is a name for this, but am too lazy to look for it) featuring his picture. It felt so strange, seeing somebody you personally knew there. Just doesn’t make any sense, not right. It supposed to be somebody I didn’t know, just some face without personality. But I personally knew him, I went to see him in the hospital and kissed his hand, I prayed for him, I talked to him. I still saw him as this invincible person who will be around to protect mia famiglia, even when he started to get very sick. I guess I’ll need a lot of time getting used to.

DAMN!!!! I still don’t know how to compose the article!!!! I made the outline, I have an idea about it, but I just couldn’t figure out how to start it!!!! aarrgghhh!!!!!!!

Dilemma:
My clothes doesn’t fit anymore, but my tummy’s still too small to wear maternity clothes. I looked like a kid wearing her mum’s outfit in them!

Hm. Not working. Still could not write anything am supposed to write. End up searching wikipedia for clearer meaning of oxymoron and doppelganger. Totally wasting my time. Guess I’ll try from the middle. But I’ll have to clear some mines first.

I realized something while changing diaper of my cute niece after her poo:
I got approximately 6 months left in freedom of poo and goo and everything else. GGAAAAHHHH!!!!! Must cherish every moment!!!! Must use this to get away from changing any diapers!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHH…… *panic*

Still……. Not……. Working……..

Words bubulibu said when he is stressed (e.g approached by relatives he barely new):
Kapal balon aja…….

my lansing nephew say this when he wants to get some attention:
I’m number 4 years old!!!

Final argument from my lansing nephew (e.g when being told not to be too noisy or not running around when he just recovered from his cold etc):
BUT I WANT A TURNTABLE!!!!! Gak nyambung.

Man. Am hopeless. Should I continue after lunch????
Definitely.
Back from lunch. Pray first. Gosh….. am so bloated and gassy.
No progress whatsoever on the bloody article.
Got headache.
Getting desperate. try to write anything, just anything.

mr. brightside - the killers

I'm coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine

Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I’m coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

Cause I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...
I never...

chubbs bought me the cd because i really-really like this song. dont know why i felt so juvenile liking this band. chubbs said that i probably like them because they sound sooooo 80's and brit.
anyways, first time i heard this song was when mtv aired the clip with eric roberts looking so mean and obnoxious. i remember that the title was jealousy. do they have different titles for different regions?

ikan hiu

sherman, the silly shark.

copyrights belong to jim toomey

ikan hiu dalem lemari
yuukk... mari....

ikan hiu 7 meter
see you later!

hihihihi.... garing!!!

(heard this silly rhyme from the radio on some weekend traffic)

lost and gained

so far i've lost:

• my waist
• my appetite for certain food
• my coffee

and gained:

• weight
• freedom to boss chubbs around
• boobs and cleavage

so far so good. am gonna enjoy it while it lasts.

gggghhhhhh

am crabby, cranky and ready to blow!!!!!!!!

pic's from here

doofus

i have this task from a certain project and need to make some things clear, so i asked the head of the project about it and ended up offering her something else. of course, she gladly accepts.
me thinking:
doofus!!!!!
now i have to do it!!!!
why oh why am i being so bloody polite????

having a baby

Finally knowing what I wanted was a like 2 sides of a coins. On one side, it was some sort of a relief to know which path I’m going to take. On the other side, I realize that I have to prepare myself to face the long and rocky road ahead. So many things to do, tests to take, books to read, past courses to be reviewed and so on. I also have other plans like raising a family. In my case: having a baby. although it is possible to pursue those goals simultaneously, i know that I have a limited capacity.
So my question is: should I try to do both, or should the baby wait?

Try to get pregnant while busy at work and getting myself ready to continue my education sounds very ambitious, I know. Actually, I have little energy left after work, and what’s left I use for studying. but my biological clock is ticking. heh heh heh. Besides, I haven’t sent any application and the earliest term that I could apply to is fall next year. so, it’s like I have a spare time to do it. this option looks more appealing because I can have so much help from my family if I have a baby here as opposed to taking care of everything alone if I had the baby abroad.
But as I mentioned earlier, I don’t think my body’s quite fit to do it anyway.

I guess baby must wait even if I didn’t plan to.
Well, as bono said:
what you don’t have you don’t need it now

(this post was supposed to be one of those topics I created to practice writing. Guess this one’s not working too well. it’s too personal. Geez…. I blew it again)

to do

so, what i have to do is simply allocating 30 minutes of office time, everyday.
finding different topics and practice my writing.
then, ask some competent person to check them.
maybe i'll post some here.
as always: easier said than done.

Concentration

Oh where are you when I need you the most?
Tiniest bits of distraction make you flutter away.
There are so many things I have to do with your help, but you are so unattainable.
I need your help here.
Come back!!!!!

No, am not talking about anybody here.
Chubbs is as supportive as ever and so is my family.

I’m afraid I’m losing my ability to study. Teensy weensy things can distract me from the books am supposed to read, things I have to review. I know I have to find a quiet place, free from any intervention. I know that I have to do it on office hours (my boss is totally supportive on this. He has his own quiet/study time and he uses it regularly. Why oh why can’t I be as disciplined?) because I don’t want to think anything about my job when I get home. But I kept making excuses not to.
And I get depressed whenever I see the deadlines and that is not so good either because I can’t think clearly when I do.
Argh!!!!!!

Dang!!!!
The tickets home is sold out. How can we get home?
What a bummer-bummer week.
I need a bloody holiday.

Gggghhhh. need to blow off my steam. feel like cursing.
Shoot!!!! Fudge!!!!!!! Fudge!!!!! Fudge!!!!!!!!!

Magic numbers

There are several ‘magic numbers’ in human age that some people considered special: thirteen, eighteen, tweny one, thirty, forty for example. they are giving much hoot if one is nearing those numbers. On these numberss, one’s supposed to have reached certain stage of life. ‘coming of age’ (I have a vague understanding of this phrase. Can anyone explain?) they say. Something like that.

In mia famiglia it was the first birthday.
I think it begun when my cousins started to have children of their own. They usually throw a big family gathering to celebrate their kids first birthday. As for the coming of age thing, I think is about the baby leaving babyhood and coming into toddlerhood. Although I seriously suspect that the baby won’t be realizing this one bit.

Seventeenth is the general magic numbers in my society.
One can watch the 17 tahun ke atas movies (like anyone in the cinemas care how old you are!!!!) and legally permitted to drive. I guess these symbolize freedom, totally in charge of yourself and an early step to leave your nest (=parents) although one’s still totally dependent of them. well, I didn’t feel anything different on my 17th birthday. I already watch those movies and had my license (illegally, of course. Heh heh). As for freedom, me mum promised that I could get all the freedom I want in college which will start in a year. not a big deal.

Then come the big three-oh.
Phew.
My siblings consider this as magic. Maybe it represents the end of the goofing off era. No more fooling around. Time to settle down. Be a little bit serious and really-really be responsible about your life.
It just feels weirdly different that i can no longer say ‘I’m twentysomething”.
I’m thirtysomething.
geez, am so ancient!!!!!
Hehehehe………

blah

argh....
swamped!!!!

don't panic.
prioritize.
do easy tasks first.
breathe.

gah.

wish am on the plane to aa & neng.
the eerie hours in changi.
the horrible airplane food.
bustling narita.
the sophisticated airport in detroit (can't recall the name).
lansing: the ducks, the msu library, barnes & noble, starbucks, meridian mall, spartan village, meijer, walking to the shop near the village, the 10 cinemas, the nachos.

but most of all i miss teteh and her whole family.
sniff.
hope fall '06 chubbs and i can join you there!!!!!

ok. work. now.

A year later

Why
Hmm.... never really thought about it.
I guess because in the four and a half years of being together we managed to get through good and bad times, in a peaceful-not-so-rocky-way. we see each other as two different and far from perfect people who learn to be a better person and together, the process is much more easier and fun. We both don’t want to lose our personality and independence but at the same time happily giving up some because we know that that is so worth it. giving each other enough space to grow alone as much as growing together and trying not to grow apart. We basically have same ideas on big issues on life and the differences is still acceptable. trying to be the best of friends.
And to be honest, maybe we’re a little bit bored and need more excitement. Heh heh.

I never felt that I have found the ONE because I have never searched for it. he just happened the most comfortable way (I know that this sentence doesn’t make any sense or whatever, but that is how I felt).

What I’ve learned so far
When I was a kid, I wonder why mum’s so cross if bap had to work late or work on week ends. Well, after one year of marriage, I’ve learned that not being able to be together on the time you’re suppose to is sucks!!!!! I know that he has to do it, that it’s the best and I spent the whole evening with him the rest of the weekdays, but I can’t help feeling crappy if I couldn’t be with him on week end. It’s just not the same if he is not around.
accept each other’s annoying habit and realizing that changing them will be useless.
Him: smoking, driving carelessly, sleeping in his nice t’shirts
Me: nag nag nag nag nag nag

People said that you can fall in love all over again in the same person and I just can’t wait to feel it. then lo and behold…….. I did. I just did not expect it to happen this soon. I mean, it’s only a year and we still adjusting to live together.

Wish
Happy first anniversary, chubbs.
Wish that the almighty one always bless us and keep us from bad things.
Wish that we could grow up and grow old together.
Wish that together, we could be a better person.
I don’t wish to live happily ever after, but I know we could be happy most of the time.


why didn’t I think of giving coffee (see picture above) for our wedding souvenir? Well, I guess mum wouldn’t let me anyway ;p

This and that-ga nyambung deh

Hmm… hari ini sama sekali ga produktif. Ga konsentrasi, bawaan males aja. Biasa deh, one of those days yang sebetulnya sama sekali tidak kutunggu-tunggu these days. Inget dia akan datang malah jadi bete. Yap, perjuangan masih panjang sayang!!!!!
Anyways, supaya keliatan sibuk, mendingan bikin posting. At least keliatan ngetik. Hehehehe.....

This is some samples of my passing thoughts, which not connected whatsoever.


Beberapa orang sering menggunakan kata ‘global’ untuk mengganti kata ‘umum’ atau ’menyeluruh’. Misalnya: ’mari kita lihat dulu permasalahannya secara global’ (padahal gak ada hubungannya sama sekali sama dunia, orang cuma ngomongin masalah kantor aja kok). Getek deh........

Sejak saya menikah, saya sering diajak ngobrol yang nyerempet2. saya memang sudah menikah, tapi kan tidak berarti saya mikirin dan senang diajak ngobrol tentang sex with just anybody. Apalagi kalo itu co-worker saya. Uh.

I have a love-hate relationship with starbucks. The coffee is not strong enough, but I can not deny that it tastes good (although can not say it’s a coffee, it’s a coffee flavored drink. I like excelso more, but why oh why can’t they redecorate their place into a nice hangouts?). I hate that it’s so pricey. I hate that here, it is considered cool to hangout at starbucks while originally anyone can do that. That you reached some sort of social status to be able to sip it. I hate that here, they have to open their shop at such big malls like plasa senayan while originally you can find starbucks at every corner (kayanya salah satu syarat buka starbucks adalah harus di sudut jalan. Saya jadi ingat salah satu bank yang sudah meninggal akibat krisis moneter yang juga selalu mengambil tempat di sudut, sampai singkatan bank tersebut diganti menjadi: bank hareupeun simpang. Hehehehe….. ga nyambung ih.).

I have a love-hate relationship with qb. I dislike that they copy everything from barnes & noble (sampai tanda kategori bukunya pun sama!!!! Duh….). I hate how they mark up their prices (coba deh buka stiker qb di cover belakang bukunya, bisa dilihat berapa harga yang dianjurkan dalam us$ lalu kalikan dengan harga dolarnya. Selisihnya lumayan kan? Apa boleh buat, kita harus bayar biaya operasi + risiko yang ditanggung qb. Pedagang mana ada yang mau rugi toh?). nevertheless, I can not help myself to go there at least once a month and buy some even though deep down in my heart I cried: Kagak relaaaaaaa!!!!!! Apa boleh buaaaatttt!!!!
Saya & abang tercinta sempat merasa menaaaang terhadap qb. Saat itu dunia tengah menantikan buku harry potter: order of phoenix dan konsumen bisa pre-order di sana, tentu saja dengan harga istimewa. Akhirnya kami pasrah saja, mau dapet sukur, ga juga gapapa. Tapi ternyata oh ternyata, kita tetap dapat buku itu on its launching day, with much lower price!!!! HA!!!! *proud smirk*. I remember big bro said: I guess we’re one of those 8 million lucky ones who get the first edition of this book. Hehehehe………

Sejak peter jackson membuat film lord of the rings nya yang super keren dan kesohor itu, banyak orang merasa keren atau dianggap keren jika sudah baca bukunya. Sedangkan dari jaman dahulu kala (sampai sekarang sih.... hehehe.....), saya selalu menganggap sebaliknya. Mungkin karena sang abang tercinta yang so geekly cool itu membaca & suka bukunya, jadi di mata saya orang yang baca itu adalah orang geek. Me & little sis having a big blast teasing homophobic big bro about the homoerotic tone in that book. Hehehee…….

Which reminds me, sekarang menjamur sekali penulis2 muda dari indonesia dengan genre chicklit. bagus!!! Sudah saatnya minat baca ditumbuhkan di indonesia, masa komik terus? Tapi kenapa ya sampai sekarang belum tertarik untuk baca atau beli? Beberapa tahun lalu sempat baca beberapa karya penulis generasi baru yang menghebohkan dan dibahas di mana-mana, tapi rasanya mengecewakan. Terlalu mengawang-awang. Pretentious gitu loh. sedangkan baca yang chicklit versi indonesia rasanya kok kagok juga. sepertinya saya belum menemukan yang memuaskan selera saya aja, kali ya? atau mungkin juga karena saya lebih suka cerita yang fantastis, yang berbeda betul dengan kegiatan saya sehari-hari.

Bicara chicklit, saya jadi ingat salah satu embah chicklit favorit saya: jane austen, ibu yang gambarnya di sebelah ini. Masalah yang diangkat sama: perempuan mencari jodoh. Endingnya juga selalu happy. Waktu saya baca briget jones’s diary, saya belum sempat baca pride and prejudice (saya punya kebiasaan aneh: membaca karya seseorang sesuai urutan tertentu versi saya, terutama jika kebetulan sudah tersedia koleksi lengkapnya di rumah. Contohnya: saya baca jane austen dari karyanya yang paling tidak terkenal dulu sehingga terpaksa menaruh emma serta pride di akhir :p). jadiiiii… ketika saya baca pride & prejudice: hellllooooo!!!!!!!! Rupanya dari sini semuanya berasal!!!!!! Heh heh.

Hmm… maybe next time I’ll write about my quirks.

Wah sebentar lagi waktu pulang kantor telah tiba. Senangnya......

conversations and mimic

phew!!!!
designing a test is no easy feat, huh?
guess i rewarded myself posting this. heh heh.

mama's job
big sista's is trying to teach her eldest son her name.
big sista: my name is *big sista's name*, and my job is mama
nephew: no! your name is mama, your job is washing machine!

make mama happy
big sista's lost her patience because nephew would not sit still whilst having his lunch.
nephew: mama, are you angry?
big sista: yes!
nephew: mama, fish have tail. *his name* don't have tail, *his name* have butt
big sista: *could not help herself* hahahahahaha.......
nephew: *giving his sweetest smile* mama, are you happy now?
ga jadi deh marahnya......

gosh, i really miss them.

calling odang
our room is upstairs, so i often call chubbs to get his breakfast, food or whatever. i just realized how i do that when one day i asked bubulibu to call him
me: bubu, panggil odangnya (odang is short for uncle in bahasa minang)
bubulibu: odaaangg..... odaaanggg..... *odang still not appear*
pipiaaaannnn (odang's name, not entirely correct, but i guess thats how bubu heard it) .......... mauuuu?????

the day before yesterday, chubbs had to work late so he came home when bubulibu's already asleep. in the morning, bubulibu woke up and go directly to the end of the stairs calling odang like this: odaaaanggg........ odaaanggg..... pipiaaaannnn....... apiiiiii (odang's short name, in bubu's ears)..... mauuuuu........

weleh, harus hati-hati nih, kebiasaanku ternyata ditiru bubulibu. ;p

measuring
one day, bubulibu tag along to me and his mum's seamstress and watched us being measured. a couple days later, he found a long ribbon and came to me:
bubulibu: diutcus dulu... diutcus dulu.... (diukur)
so i kneel down and l let myself wrapped up with his ribbon. he tie the ribbon around my neck and then pretending to note the measurement on the table. heheheh..... how cute......

jalan

Funny how fate lead us to.
Iya, memang lucu bagaimana nasib membawa kita.

Saya ingat, waktu saya kecil dulu saya sangat mengagumi tante saya dari pihak ibu. Beliau ini adik yang paling dekat dengan ibu saya, sering mengajak saya & kakak-kakak saya jalan-jalan, beliin coklat, bacain buku cerita dll. Rasanya beliau betul-betul hebat: punya pekerjaan yang keren & mandiri. Rasanya ingin jadi seperti beliau.

Seiring waktu, saya mulai berkenalan dengan berbagai profesi. Mata saya mulai terbuka dan definisi pekerjaan yang menurut saya haibat betol bertambah kaya.
Salah satu yang saya ingat betul adalah saat menginjak remaja, saya suka sekali charlie sheen. I thought that he was so hot (was!!!!), so I went to see wall street. After that, I thought that being a stockbroker was so cool. Working in manhattan (still want to live in nyc one day….), analyzing data, taking risk. It seemed exciting.

Kemudian saya tertarik pada masalah lingkungan. I started to worry about the environment up to the ridiculous level. I was so afraid that human will use the resources beyond its capacity to recover itself, that one day we can no longer live in this earth, that slowly but surely, we will extinct. I discover greenpeace and hated their radical ways. Then I discover wwf (the respectable environmental ngo, not the other stupid-fake-sport association). I was so moved that I would really-really love to someday work with them. that’s why I chose my undergraduate major and I had so much fun studying biology. Kecuali kalo saya harus masuk hutan. I hate going to remote places where I lose contact with the world. I don’t like forests, I hate walking in the hot, damp, dark places, feeling the shrub and branches all over my body. And I hate bugs!!!!
discovering the wonder of coral reefs turned out to give another problem: I am panicky underwater. So, I guess I had to help in some other way.

Satu hal yang saya pelajari saat kuliah adalah: saya tidak mau jadi dosen. walaupun saya menghormati profesi tersebut, I just felt that it’s not for me. I want to see the world, I’m not smart enough to do research and patient enough to deal with students.

Ketika saya lulus, tante yang hebat ini memberikan gambaran mengenai bidangnya sehingga saya pun kembali jatuh cinta pada bidang itu. Akhirnya saya melanjutkan pendidikan saya di bidang dan tempatnya mengajar (well, the main reason was that it’s so damn hard to find a decent job that I decided to pursue another degree. Heheheh) one thing leads to another, she took me as some sort of her protégé, offer me really nice job and here I am. Doing exactly what I want when I was a kid. To be like her then (her position is sooooo much beyond me right now).

What surprises me is that I actually enjoy it. I like it so much that I consider to get even higher education for it. I also felt so relieved that I finally found what I want and the courage to do it, heck, even do it every step of the way. Its so nice to stop wandering, not knowing.
Setelah bersusah payah berkelit ke sana kemari, mencoba jadi ini itu, ternyata kembali ke sini juga ya, impian masa kecil.
Yup, funny how fate is.

Ps: yes, it’s ur mum, dear cuz. In case I haven’t told her enough of it already, I’m really-really grateful for everything ur mum has done for me. I wish I could give back even half of her kindness :)

soulmate

Read my bestfriends’s post about love, soulmate and commitment.

intriguing question: What is a soulmate?
Google soulmate: found 955,000 matches in 0.27 seconds. Mostly websites on how to find one.
Image google soulmate: found 6,430 matches in 0.15 secs. Mostly photographs of somebody’s soulmate, some pics of 2 people holding each other.
Wikipedia soulmate:

Soulmate (or soul mate) is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a subjective, emotional feeling of deep affinity, friendship, love, strong intimacy or compatibility.
The term makes reference to the scientifically unproven concept of the soul and carries certain New Age overtones. There is a prevalent concept in some segments of the New
Age movement that some souls are literally made and/or fated to be the mates of each other, or to play certain other important roles in each others' lives.
A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul - thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, which all souls are driven to find and
unite with.
However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations; they are sometimes used simply as an expression of strong emotional feeling for someone.

Read the rest of the article here.

Why is it such a big deal to find one?
Does failure to find one will result in such an unhappiness and misery?
Could finding one be considered an accomplishment and/or pure luck?
Does finding one guarantee you of total bliss, total freedom of feeling empty and lonely?
Does it have to be someone you want to be with?
Does one’s have to be together with one’s soulmate?
What if you’ve found one, but that person does not think you are his/hers?
What if you can not be together with your soulmate? Could you consider that as a sign that that person’s not your soulmate?
Is it someone who fits you like a glove?
Is it just some creation of mind?
Is it the same as ‘jodoh’?
Is it the same as ‘the one’?

From various sources (mostly movies and books. Heh heh) I concluded that soulmate is somebody who just gets you and vice versa. Somebody who completes you. Makes you feel worth it, worth living in this world. Somebody who fill that empty hole you didn’t know exist until you’ve met him/her. Somebody worth searching for here and there. Somebody who make this crazy world livable. Somebody who make everything makes sense. Etc. all in one person.
Really? If that’s so, should we pity someone who could not find one?
I don’t think so.

I also get the notion that there is only one soulmate in the whole wide world for you, that if you lost yours then you sort of doomed to be lonely till the day you die (HA!!!! *cynical mode on*). That hole will be empty for good. In a bad ways, things will never be the same.
Well baby, life goes on. No time mooning over what you could not have.

To think in terms of soulmate is very limiting.
you haven’t found one:
you’ll wonder when or whether you will. Searching high and low, wondering is he/she the one. Believing that your life or you yourself incomplete (and missing all the opportunities the world has to offer).
you’ve already found one:
you’ll be worried if you’re going to lose it. what will happen if ‘the one’ is gone.
You might get lazy, thinking that being with yours you won’t need a lot of work maintaining your relationship. (hey, we understand each other so much, finish each other’s sentences, knowing before mentioning and stuff like that).
Then ……. KABOOM!!!! It’s too late. ‘the one’ no longer. Soulmate no more.
How do you say to that, huh?

I do believe in some definition of soulmate. But I don’t believe there is ONE person who fits all that categories. One and only. I believe that this person is perfect for me in some ways, but not in every little thing. I do believe that that person is really good at filling this hole in my soul, but the other person fits perfectly in other. Some people can fill several holes. Some people fills many holes. but not one person can fill almost every hole, because my life will be boring then. Because to me, that person’s will be consuming mine. And sometimes, person filling the hole will change. And that’s okay because my life is not some static lake, because I want mine to be always flowing. I’ll be finished when I get to the sea which hopefully still a long way.
and I do not believe that I have this one uncompleted hole for this one soulmate.
I also don’t get this idea that one’s have to be married to one’s soulmate. its just……. confining.

I think this whole soulmate thing is overrated.

(tadinya mau post tentang commitment juga. tapi lain kali aja deh.....)

mia famiglia

A man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man. (Don Corleone)
Leave the gun. Take the cannolis. (Clemenza)

Evidence that my father’s side of my family might have ‘the sicillian famliy values’:

1. There’s a ‘don’ who takes care of us.
Our Don is my dad’s oldest brother and he simply took care of everything ever since gramps too old to do things. Not enough dough to go to school? Ask him. Needs job? He’ll create one or asked around for position. Some bloke take your heart and dignity away? Just tell him and he’ll do necessary things to fix that. (so far nobody’s ever ask for this favor. Heh heh) Come to think of it, our don sometimes looked like the old Don Corleone!!!!! (seriously. He has the same white hair, somewhat sagging cheeks and the way he walks is just like The Don).
2. We really-really respect him.
3. We asked for his blessing & advice for every major things in our life.
4. We kiss his hand whenever we met him in those family gatherings.
5. There’s a consiglieri.
Whenever in doubt, the don consulted my dad. (does the consiglieri has to be someone outside our family?).
6. There are also ‘soldiers’.
Well, they are not suppose to put people to sleep with the fishes or anything against the law. Their job is to make sure that every events like family gatherings, weddings etc run smoothly. and considering their attitude, without doing anything harmful and/or against the law, they are quite good at glaring and intimidating spineless blokes who have enough guts to mess with us, the women.
7. Our family just looooooovveeee to get together and eat-eat-eat-eat.
8. We usually eat our traditional food on those family gatherings.
9. Women and children are the family’s treasured possesion.
Wronged them and you hurt the entire family.
10. Women are not expected to take major roles in the decision making or go into the business.
Good side: we are free to do and try anything we want!!! yaaay…..

cioe mia famiglia!