remind me

Remind me why I want this job.
Remind me why I have to go through all this.
Remind me what its worth.
Remind me that all this will bring some good.
Remind me that I will be a better person.
Remind me, because I’m in doubt.

unethical

ibu arisan. ibu pengajian. fashionista. bunda.
intriguing research subjects.
will it be unethical to do a research out of, erm, certain ickyness towards these stereotypes?
hm.

irrelevant and not so random

Wrote this more than a month ago:

So I’m supposed to finish my article but my mind won’t stop wandering about.

I guess I better let them out. Some bits.

I’ve been living in one of the most beautiful country in the world for quite sometime.

I don’t live in the most beautiful part of the country, but let me try to describe it.

I live in the rural part of its biggest city. I only need to go up the top floor of my uni’s library, look at the surrounding hills and it is just ridiculously pretty. On the good days, you only need to look up the sky and the clouds are just ah-mazing. And you understand why it is called ‘the land of the long white clouds’. Five minute drive: longest-cleanest- white sand beach.

Compared with others, this city belongs to the not-so-beautiful places in the country.

To my fellow countrymen, the system is the main attraction. It’s a no brainer compared with how my own country is run. Doh, it is a developed country.

Here I am, more than a month later, waiting in the capital of the country who claims to be the truly asia, on the way to see my beloved mateys. This holiday is what kept me going. I’ve been counting the days for 7 months, and it’s here. I finished a book waiting for the first flight, got another but I’m too tired to read. Blogging it is.

Oh, one more thing. I expect sun in this tropical country but cloud all over. it’s like I’m still in the wintery aotearoa but it’s humid!!! Strange.

And I’m so uncomfortable to speak bahasa melayu. Ergh. Well, it is slightly different than bahasa indonesia but I tried to speak bahasa melayu, stammered and the waiter initiate the english. Eeeuuuhhh….. weird. I felt so disrecpectful to my own language. ;p *wot??? moments*

On a good notes, I have finished my article and the supers like it. yaaay….

I’ve been lost forever, felt really strange to see my supers got excited about my ideas.

Yeah, I AM that bad. Or maybe WAS? I hope so. I think so.

I must admit that I’m not good at this multi roles thing. school or mom. Pick one!

I can’t have a cake, eat it and not getting fat. I bit off more than I can chew.

I failed the multi roles challenge. Big deal. Move on. NEXT!!!!

I have no regrets. I know now that if I left mateys way back then, I would be able to finish this journey sooner. But I would miss watching lil’ matey grow up. I would miss her toddler years. Being together during that phase tied us. Despite our fights (ah yes, she can be very very stubborn like her mum), our bond is strong. And that is WORTH more than anything in the world.

Speaking of mother-daughter bond, I am soooo grateful to have my amazing mom. She always answered my questions, pushed me to dig deeper. Whatever it is, she never ever told me to do-what-she-said-because-she-told-me-to or gave answer: it is so because it is. She always explained clearly why she didn’t want me to do this or that. She always answered my questions by making me thinking about them. She taught me to be curious and critical. I challenged her authority, but she never balked. I remember after all those ‘rebellion’ years, we made a deal that she won’t ever question my decision again once I got into uni.

And she kept her word. Isn’t that amazing?

See, I’m indonesian. And it is really common for indonesian parents to meddle with their adult children’s life. Work they supposed to get, who they marry, house they buy, where their grandchildren go to school etc.

Not my parents. Especially not my mom.

So here’s to you mom, happy birthday. I love you and wish I can follow your examples.

and speaking of how amazing my mom is, reminds me of, err…. how should I write this….

The total opposite? Well it is not that the total opposite is not amazing… ah heck. what am I trying not say here? Ahahaha…

it is amazing for some people but it is not for me, okay?

The total opposite of my mom, I guess, is the soccer mom stereotype. The ibu arisans/pengajians/pejabats/sosialitas. I know this lady which, I think, is the epitome of this stereotype.

I know how wrong it is to put people in the box. However, no matter how hard I tried not to stereotype her, this lady did exactly-precisely-correctly things that make her fall into the box. I kept thinking, ooh maybe there is more of her…… hmmm…. Oh, nope.

Good thing I dropped the bomb and we kinda stay away from each other’s path.

The bomb make some ruckus, dramas and sorts.

But, hey, I told you not to tell her but you did anyway so…. Pffft ;p

I am soooo babbling. No wonder supers complained about my writing.

They say I can not put my ideas into writing.

‘I know it is there in your head’

‘you eloquently explain it to us, but you have to be able to put them into good writing because that is what the examiners will read’

‘it is not like you don’t have good ideas, but it seems difficult for you to write it’

Yep, all over the place my writing is.

NEXT!!!!

simpleton

A certain personal, erm, catastrophe. Plus my current work which involves a lot of analysing, questioning, and dismantling phenomenon to find the core interest. They do make me aware of some things, fuelling things to ponder about during bus rides and walks.

Recently I blogwalked a woman who marries a bule. Interestingly, she needs to state that she is not that kind of woman with ‘kampung face’ who marries (old) bule for money. She explicitly describes her own job which allows her to buy certain luxurious brands (yes, its plural). She also implies that she is educated and comes from rich family. I got the impression that she looks down on those women. Of course, there is a stereotype that these women come from lower social status and usually uneducated. But, on the other note, these women can support their family at the kampungs. Some of them realize their potentials, become entrepreneurs and end up supporting their husbands. Some of these women don’t have the luxury of good education that enables them to get a good job and earn decent money. Men from their social class probably losers who gamble, drink and cheat. So they marry for money, but so what? I do think that they are much better than those trophy wives who went to universities, spend days at spas and beauty salons, gossip at trendy cafes, and enroll their children to various trendy activities because they don’t have enough energy to interact with them. It bugs me that this woman, from a family with money, who obviously had the opportunity to get to go to a good university, who has the privilege to go see the world, is well …. not THAT educated.

It is appalling that so many people, so many I know personally, have similar characteristics and share similar views with her.

I think these facts bog me down because they confirm that my perfect world does not exist.

In that world, education, more specifically good (and costly) universities, should give you an opportunity to analyse the world. It should not teach you specific science but, it should show you how to think, to see the world with its complexities without being overwhelmed by it. Going to university should be taken as luxury, an advantage that so many Indonesians can only dream of. It should prepare you to make bigger contribution to society, not look down on others who are not that lucky.

I also believe that going overseas is a huge privilege that allows you to see other cultures, to widen your horizons. To see for yourself how much you can learn from so many different things To bring back new perspectives. So if london reminds you of harrods, new york is neiman marcus, well…. You are obviously rich in the tangible department, but not on the other.

I guess it bothers me so much because those people have the opportunity, the privilege, to enrich their mind but end up, well, not a better person. And it is so annoying to see those people judging others, without these advantages bestowed upon them, as lower class.

It irks me to know that so many people can afford to go to university, but gained only degree. People who go see the world and come back with nothing but shopping bags.

Ah, what I am but a simpleton myself.

a shout

hey big matey, i miss you a lot.