gggghhhhhh

am crabby, cranky and ready to blow!!!!!!!!

pic's from here

doofus

i have this task from a certain project and need to make some things clear, so i asked the head of the project about it and ended up offering her something else. of course, she gladly accepts.
me thinking:
doofus!!!!!
now i have to do it!!!!
why oh why am i being so bloody polite????

having a baby

Finally knowing what I wanted was a like 2 sides of a coins. On one side, it was some sort of a relief to know which path I’m going to take. On the other side, I realize that I have to prepare myself to face the long and rocky road ahead. So many things to do, tests to take, books to read, past courses to be reviewed and so on. I also have other plans like raising a family. In my case: having a baby. although it is possible to pursue those goals simultaneously, i know that I have a limited capacity.
So my question is: should I try to do both, or should the baby wait?

Try to get pregnant while busy at work and getting myself ready to continue my education sounds very ambitious, I know. Actually, I have little energy left after work, and what’s left I use for studying. but my biological clock is ticking. heh heh heh. Besides, I haven’t sent any application and the earliest term that I could apply to is fall next year. so, it’s like I have a spare time to do it. this option looks more appealing because I can have so much help from my family if I have a baby here as opposed to taking care of everything alone if I had the baby abroad.
But as I mentioned earlier, I don’t think my body’s quite fit to do it anyway.

I guess baby must wait even if I didn’t plan to.
Well, as bono said:
what you don’t have you don’t need it now

(this post was supposed to be one of those topics I created to practice writing. Guess this one’s not working too well. it’s too personal. Geez…. I blew it again)

to do

so, what i have to do is simply allocating 30 minutes of office time, everyday.
finding different topics and practice my writing.
then, ask some competent person to check them.
maybe i'll post some here.
as always: easier said than done.

Concentration

Oh where are you when I need you the most?
Tiniest bits of distraction make you flutter away.
There are so many things I have to do with your help, but you are so unattainable.
I need your help here.
Come back!!!!!

No, am not talking about anybody here.
Chubbs is as supportive as ever and so is my family.

I’m afraid I’m losing my ability to study. Teensy weensy things can distract me from the books am supposed to read, things I have to review. I know I have to find a quiet place, free from any intervention. I know that I have to do it on office hours (my boss is totally supportive on this. He has his own quiet/study time and he uses it regularly. Why oh why can’t I be as disciplined?) because I don’t want to think anything about my job when I get home. But I kept making excuses not to.
And I get depressed whenever I see the deadlines and that is not so good either because I can’t think clearly when I do.
Argh!!!!!!

Dang!!!!
The tickets home is sold out. How can we get home?
What a bummer-bummer week.
I need a bloody holiday.

Gggghhhh. need to blow off my steam. feel like cursing.
Shoot!!!! Fudge!!!!!!! Fudge!!!!! Fudge!!!!!!!!!

Magic numbers

There are several ‘magic numbers’ in human age that some people considered special: thirteen, eighteen, tweny one, thirty, forty for example. they are giving much hoot if one is nearing those numbers. On these numberss, one’s supposed to have reached certain stage of life. ‘coming of age’ (I have a vague understanding of this phrase. Can anyone explain?) they say. Something like that.

In mia famiglia it was the first birthday.
I think it begun when my cousins started to have children of their own. They usually throw a big family gathering to celebrate their kids first birthday. As for the coming of age thing, I think is about the baby leaving babyhood and coming into toddlerhood. Although I seriously suspect that the baby won’t be realizing this one bit.

Seventeenth is the general magic numbers in my society.
One can watch the 17 tahun ke atas movies (like anyone in the cinemas care how old you are!!!!) and legally permitted to drive. I guess these symbolize freedom, totally in charge of yourself and an early step to leave your nest (=parents) although one’s still totally dependent of them. well, I didn’t feel anything different on my 17th birthday. I already watch those movies and had my license (illegally, of course. Heh heh). As for freedom, me mum promised that I could get all the freedom I want in college which will start in a year. not a big deal.

Then come the big three-oh.
Phew.
My siblings consider this as magic. Maybe it represents the end of the goofing off era. No more fooling around. Time to settle down. Be a little bit serious and really-really be responsible about your life.
It just feels weirdly different that i can no longer say ‘I’m twentysomething”.
I’m thirtysomething.
geez, am so ancient!!!!!
Hehehehe………