argh

sometimes i think the more you want something, the harder you'll get it.
is it because you desire it so much that you can not bear to overcome all the obstacles that stand between you and it?
or is it some kind of test to check if your wish is worth to be granted?

i had this test today. passing this test will mean i can get out of what am doing right now and move on to another i really want. passing this will mean i have more time to do research and all the preparation i need to continue my education.

today, i came late and the projector didn't work.
and that's enough to blow my nerves to bits.
geez.....

afterwards, i was relieved. at least i've done it, regardless of the results. i can move on to this proposal thing that i've been delaying for too long. am so hopeful because yesterday because i finally found the right keywords (it was like the day was so much brighter despite all the rain, i almost can hear the chorus singing, the orchestra playing the sweetest fanfare..... whatever. hohoho.....) and find the relevant articles i need. i hope that today i can start reading them and have a better understanding about what am supposed to do.
no such luck.

my new boss came with the program and asked me to make a more detailed plan that includes the budget.

just wanna cry, dammit.