Naïve no more

These months has been rough.
Many precious things have been lost.
A person I highly respect has turned into pathethic panicky snob, managed by the snotty, cheap socialite wanna be. Nag hag, there is nothing wrong with being a socialite as long as you don’t drag me into your banal world.
Visionary institution has turned into some traditional, feudalistic thing. Losing its dream, dump them and become a vehicle of some people to get what they want. how classically low. Guys, why don’t you go and build a political party instead. At least they are being honestly sleazy and not hiding behind the crap about the vision you guys forget as soon as you saw the heap of money.

The thing is, I just saw human as it is and don’t like it at all. I’ve just realized how naïve I was, but being naïve was some kind of protection for me. I know that the world is far from perfect and sunny and friendly. I refused to see it as it is, the gritty, shameless thing called human nature.
Not until they smacked me in the face I can not run or turn my face away.
I lost my faith in people. All this time, I thought that people is basically good. Yeah, up until certain age. And then they become paranoid monsters who always afraid that someone will get on their back. or worse, monsters who get what they want no matter what.

I so get this song now.

Um boom ba bay
Um boom ba bay
Um Um boom ba bay bay

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure
That burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets

Um ba ba bay
Um ba ba bay
Dee day duh
Ee day duh

It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming get me out!
Tomorrow takes me higher
Pressure on people
People on streets

Day day day
da da dup bup bup
Okay

Chippin' around
kick my brains round the floor
These are the days
It never rains but it pours
Ee do bay bup
Ee do bay ba bup
Ee do bup
Bay bup
People on streets
Dee da dee da day
People on streets
Dee da dee da dee da dee da

It's the terror of knowing
What this world is about
Watching some good friends
Screaming let me out!
Tomorrow takes me high high higher

Turned away from it all
Like the blind man
Sat on a fence but it don't work
Keep coming up with love
But it's so slashed and torn
Why why why?
(Love, love, love, love)

Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can't we give love that one more chance?
Why can't we give love give love give love?
Give love give love give love give love give love give love?

Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care
For the people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way
Of caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance!!!!!!!
This is ourselves

Under Pressure
Under Pressure
Pressure

Under Pressure - Queen & David Bowie

oh how i wish i can do so.
why give love a chance when people deliberately want to hurt and take you down?
why give love when they only want to take advantage of you?
why give love to get pain in return?

damn.
i want my innocence back.