Forgive & Remember

Holiday’s officially over. Coming back turned out not as bad as I thought it would be. Free internet surely helps. Heh heh heh.

Anyways.
About forgiveness.
According to this month’s theme, this is supposed to be the month of forgiveness.
Saya jadi ingat seseorang yang sangat saya benci. tidak secara langsung, tapi ia telah menyakiti orang2 yang sangat saya sayangi. Karena dia, saya menyadari bahwa seeing your loved ones being hurt is much more painful than if you yourself being hurt. Karena dia, saya menyadari betapa berharganya orang2 yang saya sayangi.
We survived.
Karena dia, saya menyadari bahwa kami kuat. Karena dia, saya menyadari bahwa kami lebih baik dari dia.

Sampai hari ini saya tidak bisa memaafkan dia.
Don’t even know how to define that word.
How do you know if you have forgiven someone?
Menerima dengan rela hati apa yang telah dilakukannya?
I did that, but I know that I haven’t forgiven.
You forget about it? Then how come there’s the ‘forgive but not forget’ phrase? I forget about it often, but remembering them still pained me.
Quit being angry? Haven’t done that either.

mungkin saya belum bisa memaafkannya karena dia telah membuat saya sadar akan kelemahan saya. Karena dia, saya menyadari I’m capable of hating someone so much that I’m almost consumed by that.
Probably.

Saat saya semakin jarang teringat akan dia, saya terpaksa berhadapan lagi dengan orang yang sejenis dengan dia. Tidak langsung, tapi cukup untuk membangkitkan kenangan lama. I tried so hard not to judge this person, thinking that I can not compare them, they are totally different people. But time passes, and the more I heard about that person, more symptoms are confirmed. Like seeing a movie remake. You know the characters and the ending, but still hoping that it won’t be the same. But the more you watch, the more horrified you are because you know that it is.
orang ini membuat teman-teman saya saling mencurigai. mereka saling berprasangka sehingga nice gesture considered to be an offense. From both sides. It’s somehow frustrating to see them not talking to each other. Yeah, throw away years of friendship over this person who may not be worth it. Nice.

Some people are born to cause you harm.
It’s up to us to stand up and get stronger or be a loser.