pertama

Ah, posting pertama di taun baru setelah berapa bulan tidak berkunjung ke sini. Mari dibuka dengan marah-marah. Hopefully this is not a bad sign, this is like dumping the ol’ grudge I’ve been holding like a couple of years back. I hope this will start me anew.
Maybe not. Whatever. Lets get it on.
So how did all this resentment and hatred emerge?
Distrust, maybe?
Tentu saja wajar kalau mau dikasih uang ditanya dulu untuk apa. Tapi kok diinterogasi macam mau dicuri saja itu harta benda. Lalu seenaknya saja suruh ini itu, tapi tidak mengerti proses dan peruntukannya sebetulnya bagaimana. Lalu seenaknya saja anggaran dipotong berdasarkan informasi yang gak lengkap. Lalu harus berkelahi dulu untuk sesuatu yang harusnya tidak perlu dibuat jadi pertengkaran. Ya memang biro jodohnya juga bloon sih, gak becus kerja. Dan susah juga punya kepala suku plintat plintut, bikin keputusan seenak enaknya macam ini kerajaannya aja. Apa boleh buat terpaksa kena getahnya.

First, I was considered a spoiled brat, then a thief now a beggar. I wonder, is it how it feels to be in a relationship with an abusive partner? In which for really strong reasons one does not have the courage to get out?
Its like having a family. One can not choose their own. Some of your family are these wonderful people, some are rich and bloody pretentious, some are poor and bloody pretentious also. Boy was I glad to hear the divorce.

Pertanyaan saya adalah apa betul kegiatan phillantrophy itu bisa disamakan dengan investasi? Geh… kepingin muntah kalau ingat bagaimana those young minds are poisoned, how some people are so delusional as to think that they do something for the sake of education while at the same time could not care less how the education system really works. I was reading a lot of those snooty articles from vf mags about rich people’s phillantrophy and wonder are they as patronizing? Do they really care or is it just a way of reducing tax? I know for sure that bono really knows africa that he impressed clinton administration. I have the feeling that those other guys lack of this knowledge.

And I felt so foolish for not having the courage to walk out. To leave those wonderful people I love even if that means I have to deal with the crappy feudalistic has beens. And damn how I felt co-erced and bullied to accept the help. To sign the lease, mind you. How I’m not happy to see my name under that other name that represents that particular delusional-patronizing-arrogant, uh, thing. How I saw the invisible leash was put on my neck, how that leash is virtually tigthened every once in awhile. Like now. Now that I’ve overcome my personal demons, that I’ve gotten excited about it. You bloody distracted me from what you paid me to do, bastards!!!

And don’t you tell me how to be bloody professional. Don’t you bloody implement your stupid KPI on me and my family when you don’t know how the hell the system works. And thank god that you run out of resources to poison those innocent young minds.

And yes, I’m grateful and thankful for the opportunity. You are forever etched in my silver, no, golden plates hall of important things that contributes to my success. And I will dutifully sent words to the rest of the world on how helpful you are in enabling this wonderful journey.
Respect? Admiration? NOT IN THE MILLION YEARS.