3rd week

Right now is like the longest ‘me time’ I’ve ever had since I had lil’ matey. I miss her every single day. But get caught up in being a drama queen and moaning and whining about it will not make it easier. And I also believe that this will speed things up which will lead me to finish ASAP and eventually will be reunited with her sooner. So I just get on with it, enjoy the perks, acknowledge the downside and distract self to be more positive.

Everything is different but no less fun except when I’m feeling so blue because I miss everybody so much. Being alone means I can do whatever I want, whenever I want and however I want. I can do things I’ve neglected for so long because I managed my time so poorly and felt so guilty doing these activities instead of doing things considered more productive but I didn’t do anyway because it stressed the hell outta me. Then I end up doing nothing and feeling worse.

Annnnnywayyy…..

The perks. Going to the movies for a start. I can go at the spur of the moment. A couple of weeks ago I felt so fed up and could not think straight. I went to the movies website then a couple of minutes later already in the theatre. Nice.

Freedom means catching up on readings. NOT what I have to read, mind you. The reading for pleasure part. I know its early, but I’ve already borrowed some books for the upcoming holiday. And already started and finished some of them. Oh well.

I also noticed that being alone made things a bit complex too. I never bothered to think what I want to eat. I just go with what lil’ matey and chubby matey. Cooking things only I eat means I have to spend double time in the kitchen. Such a hindrance since I don’t enjoy cooking. Well, I live with salads and pasta and ramen and sandwiches now. Simple but sometimes it took me a long time to decide what I want with soooo many choices at the grocery store. It used to be so easy: they don’t like it, don’t even bother to consider it. But now its: hmmm this one is tempting. That one looks also delicious. Oh, which one? Which one???

But the most fun for me would be creating my own adventure.

Yesterday I went roaming around the city. I went to the museum, our old hangout place, and also some new places. Thankfully, this old place didn’t remind me too much of lil’ matey and chubby matey. Maybe because I was always the one who dragged them there and end up the one that enjoyed it the most. Haha. The kids’ activity centre did remind me of her but it didn’t make me sad. I went through it with smile on my face, reminded of how happy she was there. It’s such a nice feeling realizing that I can enjoy it at my own pace, stop as long as I want on exhibits that interest me.

I roamed around the city afterwards. I went to this new place that we’ve been planning to go but got no chance to do it. Found interesting eateries, took notes to visit next time. Walked through new walkway, through a park we knew exist but never had the chance to visit, which then  leads to the place we used to go so often but never wandered beyond. Then I visited the city library, which also on the list of places we’d like to go but didn’t. It was fabulous. I got a book that wasn’t on the school’s library which of course went straight to my holiday reading stack. Too bad I came just an hour to its closing time. Definitely will go there next time I’ll go to the city. Next week end, maybe?

The physical singledom/hood/thing has grown on me. I cant even remember how it felt to be single. But then again, I guess I’ve never been completely alone with so many time on my hands either. I wouldn’t say that it is better or worse than being together with my family. It’s just different. Some part of it is wonderful, other part not so. Sometimes I’m glad I didn’t have to think about others’ need, other times it makes it easier to choose.

One thing for sure though, I’m gonna enjoy whatever comes my way.